


A Hidden Kiss

by eds_kas



Series: Reddie Fairytales [5]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Peter Pan Fusion, Death of a Parent, Kissing, M/M, Reddie, Reddie Fairytales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 17:05:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15417567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eds_kas/pseuds/eds_kas
Summary: Eddie had been told he was a big boy and had to grow up and act like it. But when him and his parents moved to the little town Derry, Eddie met the boy who refused to grow up. He met a boy with countless of joys, a boy with an imagination as wide as the universe, a boy named Richie Tozier. Suddenly growing up didn’t seem so important anymore.[Peter Pan AU]





	A Hidden Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This is a modern Peter Pan au without magical elements, but scrap your mind of thinking it doesn’t have any spark of fantasy. Be open to feel, to hurt, and to love. I wrote a relationship where love surpasses a modern setting, truly, and I’m excited for you to read it. Thank you.

The story of Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier was made to be told as a fairytale. At least that’s what Eddie thought. He had longed for his happily ever after ever since his father told him the stories about true love and true love’s kiss when he was a little kid. He longed to go to bed every night to have his father read a new story for him. It didn’t matter what kind of fairytale it was, as long as he got to hear the happy ending. That was his favorite part. He could never get enough of them. Every single story had its happy ending and Eddie couldn’t wait for his own.

Then Eddie met Richie and that’s when he could sense the beginning of his happily ever after.

It was a hot summer day when Eddie saw a boy sitting by the sidewalk. Eddie was on his way home from the pharmacy, and his mother had given him strict orders to walk  _straight_ home, but there was something about the boy that made Eddie want to stop and ask if he was okay. The boy’s head was lowered which hid his face by his mess of curly dark hair. It poked out in every direction possible and Eddie wondered if he ever heard of a comb. It was something about his posture that made Eddie sure he was crying. It wasn’t an ugly loud type of crying, he was just sitting still with his arms around his knees. Anyone who didn’t pay the kind of attention Eddie did, would not have noticed.

As Eddie came closer he saw that the boy bled from his knees and palms. Eddie thought he must have tripped over something and fallen and that’s why he was crying.

Eddie cleared his throat where he stood a few feet away from the boy. “Are you okay?”

The boy raised his head and that’s when Eddie got a better look at him. His sky blue eyes glistened with tears behind thick-framed glasses that were repaired with tape in at least two places, his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were in a pout. He was very quick to wipe away the tears from his cheeks and the pout turned to what probably was supposed to be a smile.

They must have been around the same age, but there was something childish to him that Eddie felt like he himself had grown away from. He was only twelve years old but Eddie had been told many times by his mother that he was a big boy now and had to act like that. So he tried. But seeing this boy made him want to forget everything his mother had told him and just be a kid again too.

Eddie watched as the boy quickly rose to his feet, any trace of sadness gone and replaced with a confidence Eddie had never seen before in a kid. The boy’s smile turned to a goofy grin, showing off his teeth that looked ridiculously too big for him, and the gap between his front teeth made him look even younger than he probably was.

“Hello,” he simply said.

“Were you crying because you fell? Are you hurt?” Eddie ignored how he tried to look like nothing had happened. He took a step toward him, his hands finding his fanny pack. “I can patch you up.”

“I wasn’t crying because I fell. I was crying because I can’t find my shadow. And I wasn’t crying,” he muttered.

Eddie was so surprised by the answer he stopped in the middle of a step. He quietly searched for answers in the boy’s face, but it didn’t look like he was joking. Maybe he’d said it to brush away the fact that he’d been crying because he was hurt. So Eddie decided to play with it.

“Well, that’s because it’s cloudy right now,” he said slowly, waiting for the boy to burst out in laughter and say he _obviously knew_ that and was only messing with him. But it never came.

He just followed Eddie’s gaze to the sky and the pout was back on his lips, only it wasn’t because of sadness this time, but more because of disappointment. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

Eddie stood quiet and stared at the boy in front of him. Never in his twelve years of life had he met someone like this. He didn’t even know how to describe it; it was just something about him that made Eddie want to be his friend. Since Eddie was new in town he hadn’t made any friends yet.

So Eddie cracked a smile that reached ear to ear. “What’s your name?”

The boy grinned. “What’s  _your_ name?” He said it as if it was a challenge.

Childish. 

But Eddie liked it.

“I’m Edward Frank Christopher Kaspbrak,” he said proudly. “But Eddie is fine.”

“Richard…” He paused as if he was disappointed he didn’t have all those middle names Eddie had. Then he regained the confidence and crossed his arms over his chest. “Tozier,” he continued with his head high. “ _But Richie is fine_.” It was an imitation of how Eddie had said it. He would find it offensive, but when it came from this boy he just cracked a grin.

Eddie stood quiet and took him in.  _Richie_. The boy with colorful band-aids all over his body, who wore a pink button up Hawaiian print over a green t-shirt with a pair of polka dotted blue and yellow shorts. And let’s not forget the mismatched socks. He looked absolutely ridiculous, but it showed from miles away that he didn’t care. It showed he had never been told to grow up.

Just when Eddie realized he’d been quiet for too long the sun came out and Eddie grinned widely. “Hey, look. I’ve found your shadow.”

Richie looked down and his whole face lit up at the sight of his shadow. He looked so  _happy_. He was laughing and waving with his hands, watching as his shadow mimicked him.

Eddie just stared at him with a smile. He used to be that carefree: permanently scratched knees and bruises from running around and falling, an imagination to play with his own shadow.  _To just be a kid and play._ But his mother had taken that away from him as he was supposed to grow up. He wasn’t a kid anymore.

“Look at that! You found it!” Richie cooed between laughs. “I’m so happy I could give you a kiss!”

The smile that had grown wider and wider on Eddie’s lips faded away and his heart jumped up to his throat. Eddie had never kissed anyone before. Of course, he hadn’t, he was only twelve years old. And he didn’t know if he wanted to right now, and he didn’t even know Richie.

That’s when Richie started to dig in his pocket. Eddie watched as Richie took out his hand and stretched it in front of him. His fist was closed around the object he’d taken out from his pocket and Eddie looked away from it for a second to meet Richie’s eyes.

Whatever mix of panic and confusion his face must’ve shown, Richie didn’t notice. Or he just simply didn’t care, because he was still wearing that goofy smile on his lips.

Eddie’s eyes found Richie’s hand again when his finger loosened around the object and revealed an acorn.

First, Eddie furrowed his brows, not understanding what was going on. Then a faint, relieved laugh bubbled up his throat as he realized he wasn’t going to get an  _actual_ kiss by Richie.  _This_ was what Richie meant by a kiss.

“You…You don’t know what a kiss is?” Eddie hesitated as he carefully took the acorn from Richie’s hand.

“It’s what I just gave you! It’s something you hold on to and treasure with your life. And since you found my shadow I’m giving you my kiss!” Richie enthusiastically explained.

Eddie couldn’t do anything other than to smile. He didn’t know if Richie was serious or not, but it didn’t matter.

Suddenly Eddie realized he should give something, a kiss, in return. “I suppose I should give you one now?” 

Richie shoved his hands in his pockets, rolling on his heels. “If you want.”

Eddie wanted to. He just didn’t know what exactly. He looked down on his fanny pack and his eyes found the three small pins he’d gotten from his father as a birthday present. He’d liked them so much he always wanted to carry them with him, so he’d pinned them on his fanny pack. Eddie unclipped the one formed as a bumblebee and held it in front of him so Richie could take it.

“You have to promise to take care of this,” Eddie said, his voice serious. “It means a lot to me.”

“All kisses mean a lot, Eds.” Richie took the small pin and wrapped his fingers around it.

Eddie scrunched his face at the nickname. “That’s not my name. Don’t call me that,” he muttered, but Richie didn’t respond to that, he just looked at the pin in his hand. Eddie sighed and decided to let it go. “Richie, promise me.”

Richie looked up from the pin and their eyes met. He made a cross over his chest with his finger. “I promise. Thank you.”

A moment of silence fell between the two of them and that’s when Eddie remembered Richie’s bleeding knees and palms. The blood had dried and Eddie was just about to tell him he could clean him up when Richie spoke.

“Come with me to Neverland.”

Eddie furrowed his brows. “What’s Neverland?”

“It’s the place where time stops!”

It really didn’t explain anything, but from the very little time he’d known Richie, he knew he wasn’t going to get a better answer than that.

Then Eddie remembered that his mother was waiting for him. “I really shouldn’t, I promised my mom to go straight home. I have to help her with the laundry.” Eddie sighed at the thought of the conversation he and his mother had earlier about how it’s time for Eddie to start helping out around the house.

“Laundry!?” Richie exclaimed. The sudden change of his voice made Eddie jump. “But that’s— That’s something only adults do!”

Eddie shrugged. “I know, but my mom says I have to.”

“I don’t like your mom,” Richie said nonchalantly which made Eddie gasp.

“Don’t say that!”

Richie crossed his arms over his chest. “A mother shouldn’t force their kid to grow up.”

“She’s not, she—” Eddie didn’t know what to say. She did force him to grow up. All Eddie ever heard from his mother over the last few months was how he should stop acting like a kid. But all he wanted was to be like Richie. To stay a kid.

Richie took a few steps forward, making the space between them smaller. “Come away,” he said, his blue eyes boring into Eddie’s. “Come with me where you’ll never, never have to worry about grown-up things again.”

“Never is an awfully long time,” Eddie whispered, stunned by Richie’s sudden seriousness. Richie had gotten so close Eddie could smell his scent, a mix of dirt, woods and something else he couldn’t point out. Something that was just…Richie.

The spell between them broke when Richie took a step back and flashed that toothy grin again.

“There are mermaids.”

“What?”

“And pirates!”

“I don’t believe you.”

Richie let out a soft sigh. “Once you start believing, magic happens.”

All Eddie could do was to stare at the boy in front of him. He wondered how someone who just a few minutes ago played with his own shadow could switch like that and be so serious. The words leaving Richie’s mouth stunned him and it took a few seconds to find his words. “And how do you start believing?”

“Happy thoughts, Eds. You just think happy thoughts.”

That was all it took for Eddie to forget about his mother’s words to go straight home. He knew he wouldn’t  _actually_ never have to go back, and he knew he would get in a lot of trouble when he came home. But Richie’s imagination inspired him. He wanted to see what this  _Neverland_ was and most of all, he wanted to be Richie’s friend.

“Fine. I’ll come with you,” Eddie spoke and Richie let out a shriek of happiness. “But you have to stop calling me that. Eddie already is a nickname,” he continued, but he was laughing. 

“I can’t promise that,” Richie sang and took Eddie by the arm. “We really have to go now, they’re waiting for us!”

Eddie let himself be dragged away by Richie. “Who?”

“The Lost Boys!” Richie cooed and let go of Eddie’s arm when he followed him. Then he turned his head and gave him a serious look. “Plus Bev. The Lost Boys plus Bev. Important to not include her as a boy. Because she’s a girl.”

Eddie shook his head and smiled to himself. Nothing coming out of this boy’s mouth made any sense. So he decided to stop asking questions until he got to  _see_ what on Earth Richie was talking about.

It took a while to get to  _Neverland_. Richie told Eddie he usually took his bike, but he’d crashed it a few weeks earlier (and he proudly showed off a red scar on his elbow). He said he needed Fairy Dust to fix it, which he didn’t have, but Eddie knew he just said that because he didn’t know how to fix it himself. But Eddie played along and said he had some Fairy Dust stored and would happily help him to fix his bike because he was actually really good with mechanics and had fixed his own bike multiple times.

Since Eddie was new in town he didn’t know much about it, so every turn to a new road was unknown to him, it was exciting. Richie led him away from the town and through a short path in the woods.

They’d been walking for a while and Richie kept talking about how great Neverland was which made Eddie incredibly impatient to get there, so Eddie turned his head to Richie. “Where is it?”

Richie raised his hand, pointing at something in front of them. “Second tree to the right, and straight on till morning.”

Eddie let out a small laugh. He wondered if he would ever hear Richie say something that didn’t sound like he just made it up in his head two seconds earlier.

That’s when he started to hear laughter and talks through the trees, so Eddie followed the sound. He walked through a few trees and an open space appeared in front of him. It was a quarry. He was facing a large open pit with a steep drop-off and clear green water at least fifty feet down.

It was absolutely beautiful.

The second thing he noticed was the five people sitting on a few rocks. They hadn’t noticed them coming there yet as they were caught up in a playful discussion about something Eddie didn’t catch.

“When Richie is away, I’m in charge!”

“No offense Bev, but neither of you are in charge, ever. We all know Bill’s the leader here.”

Richie ran up to them, leaving Eddie behind. “I am hurt, Stanley! I did bring this group together,” he said, sitting down with them and they all greeted him with hi’s and smiles. 

“Doesn’t mean you’re the leader,” the boy named Stanley said coldly.

Richie pouted. “Maybe not. But if Beverly wants to be a leader then she can. A girl is worth more than twenty boys. She can do whatever she wants.”

Eddie cleared his throat and all six of them turned their heads to him. He fired off a shy smile and waved at them.

Before any of them could even react to Eddie standing there, Richie was back on his feet. “Great news everyone! I have found another Lost Boy,” he said, walking over to Eddie and taking his arm once again and dragging him over to the others.

“I—I wasn’t lost,” Eddie hesitated as he stumbled over roots to the group.

Richie gave him a meaningful look. “Your mom was gonna make you do laundry. You were lost.”

Eddie was now standing right in front of five pairs of curious eyes. They were an odd group of people, but Eddie could tell they were great friends.

“Everyone, this is Eddie,” Richie said, gesturing to Eddie. Then he pointed at Stanley. He was the only one of them with clean, neat clothes and he was sitting on a towel instead of sitting directly at the hard surface of the rock. “That’s Stan. He’s gonna make you question your purpose in this world, but sometimes he’s nice.”

Stan rolled his eyes at Richie but then gave Eddie a small smile.

“Here’s Big Bill,” Richie continued, pointing at the tall boy with auburn hair and almost as blue eyes as Richie’s.

“H-h-hello,” Bill said and Eddie noticed the stutter. Eddie got a feeling that it didn’t matter in this group, he felt like they were a bunch who accepted each other no matter what.

The next boy Richie’s finger pointed at was a round-faced, short one. “Ben Hanscom at your service. He’s real brave.” Ben waved at Eddie, and he waved back.

“Then, then we have the nicest person you’ll ever meet. Here’s Mike.” Eddie met Mike’s pitch black eyes, but he didn’t see anything but kindness in them.

“Nice to meet you,” Mike greeted and Eddie mumbled a ‘you too’, with a smile. 

“And last but not least, let me present to you, Miss Beverly Marsh. She’s tough, don’t let her dress fool you,” Richie said and Beverly stuck her tongue out at him. “Seriously,” he continued and met Eddie’s eyes. “I’m speaking out of own experience.”

Eddie let out a little laugh and let his eyes wander over the group again. “It’s really nice to meet you all,” he said and was greeted with smiles.

“Yeah, so we’re the Lost Boys plus Bev, and this is Neverland,” Richie said and sat down between Stan and Bill.

Bill furrowed his eyebrows. “W-we really should ch-change that. It’s not f-fair to Beverly.”

“I don’t mind,” Beverly shrugged.

“Bev joined us last month,” Ben explained to Eddie.

Beverly smiled. “It’s been the best month of my life.”

“I’m really happy to be here with you,” Eddie said genuinely.

“Don’t be too happy,” Stan said. “We’re actually a bunch of losers and hanging out with us makes you a loser too.”

A laugh spread around the group and Stan’s face lit up. “That’s it! We could just call us losers, that way Beverly would fit in perfectly,” he grinned, earning a glare from Bev.

“Like what, The Losers Club?” Mike asked, only half serious.

Richie’s whole face broke out in a grin. “I like that!”

They sat there and talked for a while. Eddie told them he had moved there a few weeks earlier because his dad had gotten a new job. He told them they were his first friends and all of them promised they would stay friends forever.

Eddie learned that Richie had taken each and every one of them to Neverland the way he had done with Eddie. They all came from a place where they didn’t belong. Whether it was from an unsafe home, or not fitting in because of appearance, they all had their own stories. And they all were very happy to have a place to run off to like Neverland. It was their own place to be themselves. It was only Richie who didn’t share his story, but Eddie didn’t push him.

Eddie had no idea how much time had passed when Bill suggested they should go swimming. It really felt like time had stopped like Richie had said. Nothing mattered there; it was just them and their imaginations.

Before Eddie knew it, he was standing in his underwear along with the other six by the steep drop-off. He stared down at the water, feeling his stomach knot.

“We’re gonna jump?” Eddie asked weekly. He wasn’t afraid of heights; he just didn’t trust the water. He had heard of people dying from jumping off cliffs because the water was either too shallow or there were rocks at the bottom.

Mike placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “It’s totally safe, we’ve done this thousands of times.”

“How come I’m always the one who jumps first?” Beverly laughed before she took a few steps back and then ran and jumped off the cliff.

They all watched how she flew through the air, screaming with happiness before she hit the surface.

Bill was the one to jump next. Then Mike, Stan, and Ben. All screaming and cheering. Then it was only Eddie and Richie left.

“You’re scared?” Richie teased.

Eddie shook his head. “No. Are you?”

“No. It feels like flying.”

That made Eddie smile. He had never jumped from a height like this, but he could imagine how it could feel like flying.

“Take my hand,” Richie said, stretching his hand out for Eddie to take it. “We’ll fly together.”

Eddie did just that, taking a firm grip around Richie’s hand.

Richie smiled. “And whatever happens, don’t let go.”

Then they jumped. A scream made its way through Eddie’s throat as they  _flew_ through the air for a few seconds before they hit the water.

And Eddie never lets go if Richie’s hand.

*         *         *

It took another week until Eddie got to meet Richie and the others again. When Eddie had come home that night Sonia and Frank Kaspbrak were furious. Eddie knew he had done wrong, so he just sat and listened to his parents going on about how worried they were and how they expected him to never do that again. Eddie genuinely apologized and explained he’d made new friends, and that was the reason he didn’t go home.

Eddie was forgiven with being grounded for a week. He didn’t even try to fight it. He just wished he was able to tell his friends he wasn’t ignoring them.

When Eddie woke up on his first day of freedom he ran downstairs to quickly eat breakfast so he could go to Neverland as soon as possible.

“Why the hurry, son?” Frank asked, looking up from the morning paper.

“I’m not grounded anymore, I’m going to see my friends!” Eddie bubbled as he sat down next to his dad.

Sonia finished making scrambled eggs by the stove and walked over to her husband and son and filled up their plates. “But Eddie-Bear, your father needs help in the backyard. The lawn needs to be mowed and—”

“Sonia, honey, I’ll be fine. Let him go out and see his friends,” Frank cut her off, giving Eddie a wink. Eddie loved his dad very deeply.

“Thanks, dad,” Eddie smiled and started to eat his breakfast.

“Who are these friends anyway?” Sonia asked as she put the pan away and sat down with them. “I’m not sure they’re a good influence on you as they made you run away.”

Eddie sighed. He’d already told her many times they weren’t to blame, so he ignored that part. She wouldn’t listen this time either. “They’re from town too. I’m going to go to the same school as them after summer.”

“Hm. Just be home for dinner.”

Eddie nodded. “Yes, ma.”

“And have fun,” Frank added and pinched Eddie’s nose, pulling a laugh from him.

This time Eddie took his bike to Neverland. On the way there, he started to worry that maybe they wouldn’t be there yet, maybe it was too early. Or maybe they weren’t going to go there at all today. But he barely got to think twice about it because when he was almost there he saw all of them walking with their bikes together with Richie who didn’t have a bike.

He could hear them complain over the fact that Richie had to get his bike fixed because it took too long to walk.

“Eds is gonna help me,” Eddie heard Richie mutter right before he got to them. “But I don’t know for how long he—” 

“I’m right here!” Eddie broke in, making all of them turn around.

Richie’s whole face lit up. “You’re back!”

A wide smile formed on Eddie’s lips as all of them greeted him. “I was grounded, I didn’t—”

“We kn-know,” Bill smiled.

“Almost all of us have been grounded because of Richie,” Ben laughed. “He made all of us run away.”

Eddie jumped off his bike and joined in the laughter that spread through the group. He locked eyes with Richie for a moment and Richie gave him a smile. A smile Eddie felt like was only for him.

The day at Neverland was perfect. They told Eddie about all the adventures they’d had through the years. It mostly circulated around pirates. They had come up with a whole story about Captain Hook and his crewmembers. They told him about the mermaids that would lure you into the water to drown you. And then there was the crocodile that was always hungry. And most importantly, they told him that Neverland was a place where you didn’t grow up.

What they didn’t talk about was that they actually  _had_ grown up. Richie, Stan and Bill were the ones who had been there for  _years,_ and it showed pretty quickly that Richie was the one who kept the imagination going.

But Eddie liked that. He liked that Richie was so determined to keep his childishness. To keep playing games. To not grow up. And it was clear everyone else loved that about Richie too.

So when Richie picked up a stick from the ground and suddenly yelled “Pirates ahead!” They all were under the spell of a childish imagination only Richie could bring them.

*           *           *

That summer was the best summer of Eddie’s life. To anyone else but them, Neverland was nothing more than a quarry. But to them, it was their safe place. It was a place with adventures, a place to explore, a place to discover. It was their safe haven from judgment, from dangerous people, and from growing up.

They spent almost every day together. Playing, swimming,  _living._

Sonia wasn’t too happy with Eddie’s new friends. And especially not with Richie. Eddie couldn’t stop talking about him. Every night at dinner Eddie told his parents what crazy adventures Richie had gotten them into. Sonia would scoff at Eddie’s stories, reminding him he was a big boy and shouldn’t play around like a child. She continuously complained about Richie’s parents. She claimed they were irresponsible parents, that they lacked what was best for a kid their age. Eddie had never met Mr. and Mrs. Tozier, but he was sure they were  _great_ parents. Sometimes he wished his mother was more like them.

At those moments, Eddie was grateful for his dad. He defended him as best as he could, encouraging him to live his childhood for as long as he could.

Unfortunately Frank worked a lot. There were days where he already had gone to work and Eddie couldn’t escape his mother’s claws that kept him at home, making him do grown-up things. Eddie hated those days. He didn’t know if he hated them more because he had to do things he absolutely loathed - like laundry, cleaning or helping his mother to do grocery shopping - or because he didn’t get to see Richie.

*          *          *

It was the night before the first day of school, and Richie and Eddie were alone in Neverland. Eddie didn’t know when it started to happen, but at some point, they had started to spend more and more time just the two of them. When Eddie had helped Richie with his bike they realized they were a perfect duo. They fit together like two puzzle pieces. They completed each other like they never had with anyone else. They were best friends and nothing could take that away from them. 

They were sitting on the edge, their feet dangling free in the air. They had been quiet for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. That was something else they really enjoyed. Everything didn’t have to be a game all the time. There could be moments like this too.

“How did you find this place?” Eddie asked, breaking the silence.

“When I was seven I ran away for some reason I don’t remember. And I found this,” Richie said, gesturing with his arms. “The next day I brought Stan and we made it our place,” he continued. “And now it’s all our place”

Eddie watched him as he spoke. He felt sad that he hadn’t gotten to grow up with Richie like Stan had. He felt like he’d missed out on so much.

“I wish we became friends sooner,” Eddie said.

“Me too.”

Their eyes met and Eddie gave him a smile. Richie was different when he was alone with Eddie. He was more serious in a way Eddie didn’t think Richie could be.

Over the summer Eddie had learned that Richie was much smarter than anyone gave him credit for. Even though Richie usually was the one that came up with all of their adventures, the one that had the imagination to make a game out of rocks and sticks, he was probably the smartest of them. Eddie had wondered how it added up, how he could be so childish but at the same time be so serious and aware of everything that happened around him. Most adults couldn’t do that. But then Eddie stopped thinking about that and just thought it was a Richie thing. It was the way he was, and Eddie loved him for it.

At that moment Eddie started to wonder how long Richie could avoid growing up, how long he could keep the imagination going.

“How do you do it?” Eddie asked, knowing he probably didn’t make sense.

But Richie smiled at him as if he knew exactly what Eddie was thinking about, he said, “Happy thoughts, Eds. That’s it.”

*         *         *

Eddie loved his friends with his whole heart. Even though school started and the air became colder and colder, he didn’t spend any less time with them. They faced new problems with bullies, but together they could do anything. Richie had told them to see Henry Bowers and his gang like the pirates in Neverland. And they’d never lost against the Pirates, and neither would they with these bullies. They stuck together, and together they could do anything.

Nights in Neverland turned to movie nights at either Richie’s or Bill’s house. Eddie was barely home at all. When he didn’t spend his time with the whole group he spent that time with Richie.

He loved being at the Tozier’s. Wentworth and Maggie Tozier were like a second pair of parents to Eddie. They loved him like their own son and they always made him feel welcome. 

Richie was a copy of his dad. Eddie finally understood how Richie could stay the way he was, it was because his father was like a big kid. They were both ridiculous, sharing jokes, doing pranks and they always spoke to each other in different voices. It constantly made Eddie laugh.

Time with Richie really felt like magic. Eddie could barely remember his life in his old town. It felt like Richie had been a part of him forever. And as much as Eddie wished time would stop, it didn’t. Not at all.

Fall passed as quickly as a blink of an eye. Eddie had the best Halloween ever (with much begging to his mom to get permission to actually go). Eddie had never had so much candy in his whole life, but it was worth the stomachache. He jumped in piles of leaves for the first time and he kept coming home with dirty clothes and a smile that reached ear to ear.

That winter was not as great as Eddie’s summer and fall had been. Sonia kept Eddie home the whole winter break as an attempt to separate him from his friends. She kept complaining about how he’d been irresponsible over the last few months, how  _childish_ he’d acted. Eddie had been pretty good at ignoring her words, as long as he got to be with his friends he was happy. But one cold December night, she told Eddie he was a  _disappointment,_ it changed. She got into Eddie’s head in a way she’d never done before. She made him feel like a bad son and Eddie couldn’t handle that. It was at a time when his father worked  _a lot._ If he knew how his wife had gotten under Eddie’s skin he would have stopped it. But he didn’t notice until he got a few days off after New Years. Eddie had never seen his father so angry. But Eddie was thankful, too. Frank showered Eddie with love and appreciation and in January Eddie was reunited with his best friends. He never told them the truth behind his absence, but somehow he was sure Richie saw through him. The rest of the winter was spent playing in the snow and drinking hot chocolate at Richie’s house.

Winter turned to spring and Eddie was happy. As the grass got greener, flowers started to bloom and the trees were covered in bright green leaves. The Losers Club found their way back to Neverland. It was still too cold to spend the days in the water, but they spent almost every day after school there, taking on the adventures they had to pause over the winter. Richie’s fourteenth birthday was that spring, but his imagination was still as bright as ever. Sonia had taken a step back and only complained once a week about Eddie’s scratched knees and dirty clothes.

When it had been a year since Eddie and Richie became friends, Richie met Eddie’s parents for the first time. It had actually been Sonia’s idea, to Eddie’s surprise. He had intentionally kept his friends from meeting his parents, and especially Richie. He didn’t think his father would be that bad for them to meet, it was his mother he worried about.

Eddie loved his mother, he did, he just felt like they didn’t understand each other. After what happened that winter between them Eddie had distanced himself. And she had too. So when Sonia asked Eddie to ask Richie to come over for dinner Eddie almost choked on his own spit.

“I just want to meet the person you spend  _all_ your time with,” Sonia shrugged where she sat on the couch reading a book.

“You don’t even like him,” Eddie said, trying not to sound as skeptical as he felt.

Sonia looked up from her book. “That’s unfair.”

Eddie didn’t understand how it was unfair, but he just sighed. “I’ll ask him.”

When Eddie called Richie later to ask, the first thing Richie asked was if that was what Eddie wanted. Richie knew about Sonia Kaspbrak and her opinions, but Eddie reminded him and said it could be bad but that he still wanted him to meet her if he wanted. So Richie said he’d be there and Eddie couldn’t help but smile.

The dinner wasn’t  _catastrophic_ , though it wasn’t good either. Richie sure made an impression on both Eddie’s parents, though it was different impressions. Eddie was pretty sure his father actually liked Richie, but his mother kept giving him death glares. It started the second Richie stepped through the door with his mismatched and worn out clothes. And then they kept coming whenever Richie cracked a joke, or told them about his parents, or talked about the adventures they’d had during the last year.

But it was alright. And Eddie was more than happy that it was finally over with. And so was Richie.

They ended up at Neverland later that night. They didn’t even bother to ask the other Losers, this was one of those times when they just wanted to be alone with each other. It was something unspoken between them, both of them just knew when it was a day they wanted to spend with all of the Losers, or when they wanted to be just the two of them.

Most of the time, when they were alone Richie was just like he was when they were all together. He cracked jokes and made Eddie laugh so much he had to lay down. They would banter back and forth like they always did, and more often, Eddie fired back with a joke that had Richie on the ground, laughing so much he cried.

Then there were times like this when Richie didn’t have that childish aura around him. When he spoke in a lower, deeper voice, when his eyes didn’t sparkle with playfulness and for once acted like his age (Eddie didn’t like to put it that way, but it was the truth). He still joked around and still wore that goofy smile, but it was different.

Eddie loved both versions of Richie equally, but as time went by he appreciated this version more and more. And Eddie couldn’t oversee the fact that this Richie came out more often now.

“Do you still have my kiss?” Eddie suddenly asked. They were lying on their backs on the ground next to each other, looking up at the stars that had appeared above them. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Richie turning his head to look at him, but Eddie kept looking up at the sky.

Richie was quiet for a long time. They hadn’t really talked about the exchange of their odd kiss a year earlier, but it was something that Eddie thought a lot about.

“Yeah,” Richie finally answered and Eddie couldn't help the relieved feeling he felt. Not only because the ‘kiss’ Eddie had given him was a gift from his father, but the whole thing meant a lot to him in a way he couldn’t explain.

Eddie didn’t know what he should say, he hadn’t thought that far. He just nodded, feeling Richie’s eyes burn on the side of his face. 

Then Richie sat up which made Eddie look at him. “Do you?”

Eddie sat up too. He didn’t know why there was a huge tension between them, but there was. It was like it was a loaded topic that needed to be talked about in a way neither of them understood.

Their eyes met and Eddie’s lips curved to a small smile as he opened his fanny pack. He found the small acorn in a second and held it in his hand in front of him. “I always have it with me,” Eddie confessed, his voice coming out far more shy than he wanted.

Richie dug in his pocket with a grin and Eddie tried to ignore how his heart skipped a beat. He didn’t even know why it did that, or why his cheeks started to burn at the sight of the bumblebee pin that lay in Richie’s hand next to his own hand.

“I always have it with me too.”

 _Why_ , Eddie wanted to ask. But he figured it was because of the same reason he carried the acorn with him every day. He wasn’t even sure he knew his own reason, but he was sure Richie had the same reason.

And then it was quiet for a long time. Eddie debated whether to take advantage of this moment to ask about something he’d always wondered, but he wasn’t sure if he’d make a fool of himself. But he couldn’t control it, so it more or less slipped from his tongue.

“When you—” Eddie hesitated and looked down at the acorn. “Last year, when you gave me this, did you really not—”

“I do know what a kiss is, Eds,” Richie interrupted softly.

That made Eddie look up and he instantly regretted asking. He felt his ears burn up, but Richie’s face was soft and he even smiled.

Richie studied Eddie’s face for a few seconds before he let out a sigh. “I just choose to see the world differently, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid—”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “I know! I know you’re not stupid, that’s not what I—”

“I know you know I’m not stupid,” Richie laughed. “…there’s no rush to grow up, then why should I? I’m having fun and why shouldn't I get to have fun, you know?”

“Yeah. I know,” Eddie nodded. “But time doesn’t stop and one day…” Eddie trailed off, but he kept looking into Richie’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Richie shrugged. “But till then—”

“Happy thoughts,” Eddie cut in and they both laughed.

*         *         *

That summer ended almost as quickly as the summer before. Late summer nights turned to cold fall days with lots of homework. Eddie turned fourteen that November and he started to notice that even his dad took his mother’s side when it came to the subject of growing up.

One afternoon Eddie came home after a sleepover with the Losers and  _all_ of his toys and anything connected to his childhood were gone. His room was pretty much empty; there was only his bed, desk, and his bookshelf. The only books he had left were school-related books and a few he’d gotten for his birthday. All his favorite books as a kid, all the fairytales, were gone.

Eddie didn’t know if he was angry or sad. Probably a mix of both. He ran downstairs to the living room with his heart in his throat. He found his parents sitting on the couch, annoyingly calm even though they knew exactly what they had done.

“How could you do this to me?!” He didn’t even try to hold back his emotions.

“Indoors voice, sweetie,” Sonia spoke softly, not even looking up as she painted her nails.

“No!” Eddie’s voice cracked and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat. “A lot of those things meant a lot to me! Richie gave me many of those toys!”

Sonia sighed deeply. “You don’t need them anymore. You’re a big boy now.”

“It’s not about that! I  _know_ I’m a big boy. You’ve told me! But those things had personal value!”

Sonia looked up, looking at Eddie over her glasses with raised eyebrows. “You  _know_ you’re a big boy? I haven’t noticed. You surely don’t act—”

“Sonia,” Frank interrupted. “Enough.”

At the sound of his father’s voice, Eddie turned his head to him. “And you! How could you let her do this?!” He didn’t even care about the tears in his eyes. “You’ve always been on my side and now…now…” He couldn’t even find the words.

“Eddie, it was different when you were twelve. You’re fourteen now. Your mother and I have a lot of things to do around the house, and it’s time for you to help us.” Frank said reasonably.

“Richie’s parents don’t—”

“Enough about Richie’s parents!” Sonia blurted out. “They can keep treating their son as a baby all they like, but we won’t do that to you. We’re helping you!”

Eddie couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. He turned his head to his dad. “Dad?!” His voice failed him and the tears spilled over, streaking his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, son.”

“All my books.  _You_ gave them to me! You read them to me every night when I was a kid. I don’t make you read them to me now, do I? I should still get to keep them!”

Frank swallowed hard. Eddie knew all of this was his mother’s idea, but he had always counted on his dad to be the reasonable one. Sometimes Eddie couldn’t even understand how they got married. They were so different, like day and night.

Another sob made its way out of Eddie’s mouth and that’s when he turned his heel and ran out of the house. He heard his parents call after him, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t look at them right now. All he wanted was to see Richie.

*          *          *

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay. Do you want to go to Neverland?”  
  
“ _No_.”

“ _Eddie_.”

The way Richie had said his name made Eddie look up from his hands to meet Richie’s eyes. Eddie was sitting on Richie’s bed, and Richie stood in the middle of the room with his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow raised.

“I get that you’re upset, but  _I_ didn’t do anything to you, please don’t take it out on me,” Richie said

Eddie sighed. He knew he was right. “I’m sorry. It’s my mom.”

“It’s always your mom.” Richie’s voice was anything but harsh, but it still made Eddie frown.

“Not fair,” he said coldly.

“Is your dad at work?” Richie asked. He knew Frank was the one that saved Eddie in situations with his mom.

“No. That’s the thing. He was on her side. He  _helped_ her.”

“Helped her with what?”

 _Dammit_. Richie always knew how to get him to talk.

“To clear out my whole room.  _I’m a big boy now_ — Don’t laugh!”

Richie covered his mouth with his hand but kept laughing. “I’m sorry but your impression of your mom is hilarious.”

The corners of Eddie’s mouth twitched, but he still glared at Richie.

Richie stopped laughing but still wore a grin on his lips. “This is how your mom speaks.  _‘Eddie-Bear, you’re spending_ _far_ _too much time with that Tozier boy._ ”

Eddie tried so hard not to laugh but he couldn’t help it. The impression was to spot on and the look Richie had on his face when he did it was too much. Eddie burst into laughter and Richie joined him.

“I’m trying to be serious!” Eddie managed to say between laughter.

“‘ _Don’t forget that you’re a big boy now.’”_ Richie continued, which only pulled, even more, laughs from Eddie to the point that he had to wrap his arms around his stomach.

It took five whole minutes to stop laughing enough to be able to talk again. Richie had ended up next to Eddie on the bed and once they had calmed down and started to breathe normally again, Eddie told Richie what happened. Talking about it made him upset again, but Richie made him feel better. He always did.

Eddie didn’t go home that night. He spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in Richie’s room, reading comics and just being with each other. Richie kept asking if Eddie was okay, and as long as Eddie was with Richie, he was.

Both of them were exhausted since they had a sleepover with the Losers the night before, which almost never gave them the amount of sleep they needed. So when Eddie started to drift off laying in Richie’s bed, Richie sat up in bed and was about to get up when Eddie tugged at his sleeve.

“Where are you going?” Eddie mumbled, looking up at Richie with tired eyes.

Richie turned around and faced the sleepy boy next to him. “You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor,” Richie spoke softly.

Eddie shook his head. “No, ‘s okay. You can stay.”

Richie hesitated for a moment, watching as Eddie closed his eyes again with a little yawn. Then he laid down next to Eddie again. It took a few minutes until he relaxed and closed his eyes, falling asleep with the warmth of Eddie’s body against his side.

*         *         *

Christmas came faster than Eddie had liked it too. He was still really upset with his parents, but he knew he couldn’t stay angry forever. On Christmas morning Eddie woke up with a knock on his door.

Frank stepped into Eddie’s room with a cup of hot chocolate in one hand and a Christmas gift in the other.

“Merry Christmas, son,” Frank said with a smile as he walked up to Eddie’s bed.

“Merry Christmas,” Eddie mumbled as he sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes.

Frank handed Eddie the hot chocolate and Eddie took it and thanked him. He sat down at the foot of the bed and placed the Christmas gift on Eddie’s lap.

Eddie eyed his father, unsure of what he should say. They hadn’t spoken much since their fight and Eddie was too stubborn to be the one to apologize. So he stayed quiet, sipping on his chocolate.

“I know you’re upset with me,” Frank started slowly, searching for Eddie’s gaze. “And I’m sorry,” he continued when Eddie looked at him.

“It was pretty bad,” Eddie said.

“I should have thought about the consequences and talked sense into your mother.”

Eddie placed the cup on his nightstand. “No. You should have talked to me,” he said.

Frank nodded. “Yes, you’re right. I should have.  _We_ should have. But you know how your mother can be.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. Always the same old story. “I know, and that’s why we have to stick together. You and me, dad.”

When Frank smiled at that Eddie couldn’t help but smile too.

“This is for you. I know it won’t fix things but maybe it can help,” Frank said and scooted the present closer to Eddie.

Eddie unwrapped the paper and revealed a book. When Eddie realized that it was a fairytale a smile crept on his lips. In his hand, he held a beautifully made fairytale called “The Princess and the Hidden Kiss.” Eddie knew it was his father’s way to say sorry, and at that moment he didn’t feel any anger at all towards him.

There was too much thought behind the gift to stay mad. Eddie knew his father understood how much Eddie loved fairytales as a kid, how much Eddie loved to have his father read them to him.

Eddie could have said anything. There were so many things to say, but what left his mouth was something he had not expected. It left his mouth before he could even think about it.

“Why are they always about princesses and princes? Why can’t there ever be two princes?”

And then there was silence.

He probably could have brushed it off but Eddie was sure his face said it all. He felt the blood vanish from his face, his mouth was left hanging open and his eyes were wide. Eddie held his breath for the longest minute of his life, just staring at his father, waiting for  _something._

“Eddie—"

And suddenly it hit him.

“Please don’t tell her. Promise me you won’t tell her.” It was as if everything he’d been holding in for so long with a mix of relief came crashing down all at once.

“Calm down Eddie, it’s okay,” Frank raised a hand and placed it on Eddie’s shoulder. “It’s okay.”

_It’s okay._

Eddie believed him. He had always trusted him. Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat and tried his hardest to not let the tears in his eyes spill.

“It will be okay, I promise.”

*         *         *

Frank Kaspbrak’s promise shattered that spring.

Eddie knew something was wrong when he saw a police car parked outside their house. From his bedroom window, he saw two policemen walking up to the door. Next thing he heard were three knocks on their front door.

Eddie opened his bedroom door slightly so he could hear what was being said. He heard how they introduced themselves and then asked for permission to come in.

“Mrs. Kaspbrak, please sit down.”

Eddie felt his whole body freeze at those words. He knew what was going to come next, and he didn’t want to hear it. Just when he was about to close the door, he heard the voice from downstairs again.

 

“We’re sorry to inform you that your husband was in a car accident earlier today. He died while paramedics were attempting to revive him."

And just like that Eddie’s whole life fell apart. Two sentences were all it took for Eddie’s life to shatter to thousand of pieces.

Then it all happened in slow motion. And he felt  _everything._ The first thing he felt was a pressure build up in his chest and before he knew it he couldn’t breathe. Somewhere he heard the voices downstairs tell his mother details on how his father had died.

_His father was dead._

Eddie slammed the door shut and he collapsed to the floor. His ears were ringing, his whole body was shaking and his head was spinning. He brought his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them.

He was going to break.

His chest would explode.

He would die. He was sure of it. The pressure kept building up and soon he had to gasp for air.

_Your husband was in a car accident._

The words kept going through his mind. Over and over again.

_He died while paramedics were attempting to revive him._

_He died._

_He’s dead._

“Shut up!” Eddie screamed. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He slammed his fists to his head, trying to make the voices in his head stop repeating it.

Then he heard his mother’s broken sobs, cutting through the walls. It was too much. He couldn’t do it. He covered his ears with his hands as hard as he could, desperate to make it stop.

Eddie didn’t know how long he stayed like that. On the floor, in a fetal position trying to remember how to breathe. He forced himself not to cry because he knew if he did, he would never be able to stop.

What seemed like hours later, he heard his mother’s heavy steps going up the stairs. It probably hadn’t been hours, just as long as it had taken the policemen to talk to her, but when you’ve just learned your father had died time passed really slowly.

It took all the willpower Eddie had in him to force himself up on his feet. He had to be strong for his mother. He had to. She would probably be even sadder than him. She had just lost her husband. Even though Eddie sometimes questioned it, she had loved him wholeheartedly, and she had just lost the love of her life.

Her happily ever after had been taken away from her.

Eddie had to stay strong for her. It was time to grow up.

The sight of his mother when she opened the door made it really hard to stay strong though. She looked  _broken_. She looked like someone literally had ripped her heart out, along with her happiness and soul.

For once, Eddie forgot about all the horrible things she’d ever said or done. All he saw at that moment was the mother he loved.

They didn’t say anything. She knew he knew. All Eddie did was open his arms and she was there in a second.  _He_ comforted  _her_.

She sobbed against his shoulder, and Eddie tried his best to embrace her with his tiny body compared to hers. It was hard to not give in and cry with her, but he reminded himself that he still had his friends. He still had Richie. His mother didn’t have anyone but him anymore. Eddie had to be there for her. He had to stay strong. To be the grown-up she’d told him to be.

*         *         *

Hours later Sonia passed out from exhaustion. Eddie had for the first time in his life cooked them dinner, and something told him that definitely wouldn’t be the last time he did that. Neither of them ate much at all, but Eddie made sure to save it. They spent the rest of the day sitting quietly on the couch until Sonia had fallen asleep.

The silence in the house was  _deafening._ He had to do something; he couldn’t stand the silence and how lonely he felt. His first thought was to call Richie, but he knew he would break down as soon as he started talking, and he couldn’t be alone when that happened.

So he packed a bag and sneaked out, and his feet led him to the only person he needed to see right now. Well, the only person that wasn’t dead.

It wasn’t the first time Eddie had come to their house late, and he knew Richie’s parents didn’t mind, so he knocked on the front door. He’d hoped for Richie to answer it, but instead, Maggie did.

“Oh, hi Eddie,” the sound of her soft, loving voice almost made him want to throw himself in her arms. But he tried to stay strong, just for a few more minutes. “Everything okay?”

Eddie nodded, but he knew it wasn’t convincing.

Maggie knew him though, and she knew what he needed at that moment. “He’s in his room.” She smiled softly. “Just tell me if you need anything, okay honey?”

“Thanks,” Eddie mumbled as he walked past her.

The walk up the stairs and through the hallway to Richie’s door felt like a marathon.  _Just a little bit more_ , Eddie told himself.  _Just a few more steps, then you’re with him_.

Even to knock on the door was an effort he barely had. But he did it, and a few seconds later Richie’s tall figure stood right in front of him.

“Eds?”

“I really need a hug right now,” Eddie whispered and as soon as the words left his mouth he felt the tears burn in his eyes. “Is that okay? Because I really need it to be okay.” That’s when his voice cracked and the first tear fell.

Now there was no going back.

“Of course it’s okay,” Richie said, raising his hand to take Eddie’s. Eddie let himself be dragged into the room, and as soon as the door was closed behind them Eddie crashed into Richie’s arms, not even trying to hold back his tears. “Talk to me Eds. What happened?”

Eddie tried to form words, but he couldn't. He just let himself be wrapped by Richie’s long arms, clinging onto him like he was his life support.

Heartbreaking sobs together with Richie’s soothing words filled the dark room. Eddie gave up trying to calm down enough to speak. Once he let himself cry, the sadness took over. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he would never see his dad again. He would never again get to see him smile, to hear him laugh.

It hurt so much Eddie felt like he would physically break to pieces if Richie weren’t holding him in his arms.

“Eddie, you’re really freaking me out here,” Richie whispered. “Please, talk to me.”

Richie deserved to know, Eddie knew he was scaring him. He loosened his arms around Richie’s waist and looked up at him.

“He’s— My dad—” Eddie tried to form the sentence, but he couldn’t find the strength to say it out loud. That would make it  _too_ real.

“Shh, Eddie. I’m here. I’m right here, it’s okay,” Richie whispered, never breaking eye contact.

 _It’s okay_.

It’s not okay. Nothing is okay!

He wanted to scream that to Richie, he wanted to be angry that Richie even had said it. But he knew that wasn’t fair.

For a moment Eddie stood quiet and found comfort in Richie’s deep blue eyes. Eddie had never seen them so worried before. He’d never seen Richie worried at all. Looking into his eyes made his breathing slow down and soon he started to breathe normally, but the tears didn’t stop rolling down his cheeks.

“He’s gone, Rich.” His voice was nothing more than a quiet whisper. If the room hadn’t been entirely silent and they hadn’t been so close Richie probably would not have heard him.

A new wave of sadness washed over him. But before he let it take over again, he had to make sure Richie understood, because right now Richie was just standing there, blankly staring at him.

“My dad. Dad is—He’s—,” another sob left his mouth. Eddie closed his eyes hard and his fingernails dug so deep into his palms they could start bleeding.

_Just say it._

“He’s dead.”

Richie inhaled sharply and his arms stiffened around Eddie’s body. “No…” He whispered and Eddie opened his eyes again. Richie’s eyes reflected the sadness Eddie’s did.

“He’s gone.” This time Eddie didn’t stop the sobs that kept coming. He just wished for Richie to not keep asking about it, because he couldn’t talk about it right now. He just wanted to be sad, to be hugged and comforted.

It felt like Eddie had been crying for hours when he was finally out of tears. He felt like he would pass out any second. He was so exhausted from crying, but he didn’t know how he was supposed to sleep when everything had fallen apart. At some point he found the strength to tell Richie exactly what happened. Somewhere after that Richie had laid him down on the bed and he was now wrapped in Richie’s arms.

It had been quiet for a time now and Eddie just waited for the exhaustion to be too much so he could sleep.

“How do you make the pain go away? How do you just keep living your life when—”

“Happy thoughts, Eds.”

“I don’t think I can do that this time.”

And with that Eddie finally fell into a restless sleep.

*         *         *

When Eddie woke up the next morning he felt like he’d been beaten up. His whole face was swollen and his throat hurt. And then he remembered. He jolted up in bed and panic spread through him.

“Hey, hey hey. I’m here. Come here.”

Richie’s voice came from behind him and Eddie looked around his shoulder and saw a very unrested Richie look up at him. The panic faded away at the sight of him and Eddie let himself fall back into the bed again with Richie’s arms wrapped around him.

“Thank you for letting me stay,” Eddie whispered.

“You don’t have to thank me. You can come here whenever you want,” Richie answered, stroking his fingers comfortingly on Eddie’s arm.

After a while of silence, Richie cleared his throat. “So. You wanna go to Neverland and say hello to the mermaids?”

Eddie broke away from Richie’s arms. He sat up and just stared at him. “Are you serious?” He felt a rage fill up his chest. “Can you just…Not now, okay!”

Richie sat up too, looking extremely regretful. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Fuck Rich! Why can’t you be serious for one second? Can’t you just…Can’t you just stop being so damn childish just for  _once_ in your life!”

“Eddie…”

Eddie stood up from the bed, his whole body shaking in anger. He knew he wasn’t being fair, he knew he was just sad and angry, and he shouldn’t take it out on Richie. But he couldn’t stop himself.

“No! When my dad dies…You don’t get to act like a fucking kid when my dad dies! You’re eight months older than me, but sometimes I feel like I’m _years_ older than you.  _Grow up_ Richie!”

Richie looked extremely helpless where he sat on his bed. “I’m sorry, Eddie.”

Eddie knew Richie was in a helpless position. He couldn’t even defend himself, because Eddie was the one who’d lost his father. Eddie was the one who got to be sad and angry and say things he didn’t mean, only to get his emotions out.

But deep down, Eddie knew there was some kind of truth behind his words. Richie had just turned fifteen years old, and it  _showed_. He had grown to 5’7”, his voice had gotten deeper and there wasn’t anything childish about his looks anymore. And it was time Richie started to act like it.

Sure, they hadn’t played around like they’d done two years ago for a long time, but Richie still held on to that childishness where he refused to take any kind of responsibility.

Eddie had felt it himself for the past few months. He’d felt himself grow to the person his mother had wanted him to grow into two years ago. Only back then, it was too early. But it was time now.

They weren’t kids anymore. They were teenagers. They grew.

And Eddie could even feel it  _inside_ of him. He had felt things lately he didn’t feel two years ago. Things kids didn’t feel.

Feelings. Deeper feelings.

Towards another person.

Eddie sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, but at the same time I’m not, you know?”

“I know.  _I’m_ sorry,” Richie murmured and stood up too.

A calm ran through Eddie as he looked into Richie’s eyes. They stood there for a while, taking the moment to let everything sink in.

Eddie didn’t know when it had started to happen, but at some point, he had looked at his best friend and he couldn’t look away. Richie had always had a special place in his heart, but somewhere along the way, the reason for it had changed. Their hugs meant more to Eddie than they had before, Eddie’s heart had started to race whenever they touched each other, even if it was just an accidental brush with their hands when they walked. And one night when they watched a movie he found himself getting distracted by looking at Richie. Eddie had never noticed that Richie had grown away from the childish features in his face. His jaw had grown sharper, his cheekbones higher. His nose was more defined and  _he was beautiful._

And sometimes Eddie thought that Richie could feel it too. Their gazes lingered a little longer than they did before, they spent  _even_ more time together and they always sat so close to each other at movie nights their shoulders were pressed together. Somehow they never went longer than ten minutes without touching each other in one way or another. Either their hands brushed together, or Richie threw an arm around Eddie’s shoulders or Eddie brushed away a strand of hair from Richie’s face.

But maybe that was just wishful thinking. Eddie didn’t even know if Richie like boys, it wasn’t something they talked about. They didn’t talk about stuff like that. But maybe, just maybe, Richie would listen to what Eddie had more or less screamed at him moments earlier. Maybe his mind finally would catch up to his body.

Then Richie opened up his arms and Eddie took a step forward to close the space between them. He wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist and buried his face into his chest. “I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling,” Richie hummed.

“Just bad. Death is really bad.”

“We’ll get through it. Together.”

After awhile Eddie broke away from the hug and looked up at Richie. “When did you get so tall?” he muttered with a pout.

Richie laughed helplessly. “I guess that’s the magic of puberty.” He shrugged. “Apparently you can’t escape that,” he continued with a grimace. Then he broke out in a grin. “It didn’t do much for your height though.”

Eddie let out a small laugh. Only Richie could make him laugh when everything was at rock bottom. “Shut up.”

“I like it though. You’re adorable.”

Another laugh escapes Eddie’s mouth. “I’m not adorable! Don’t call me adorable.” As much as he tried, he couldn’t hide the smile on his face. He wasn’t going to lie, it did make his heart skip a beat.

“I could go with cute too,” Richie grinned and pinched Eddie’s cheek. “Cute, cute, cute.”

Eddie shoved Richie’s hand away, still laughing. “Stop!”

It didn’t take long before the little bit of happiness Richie had bloomed in Eddie disappeared and was replaced with the heartbreaking sadness again.

“I have to go now. My mom needs me,” Eddie whispered.

Richie’s smile faded too. “Yeah. Just—Just remember I’m always here for you, yeah?”

Eddie nodded. “Thanks, Rich.”

*         *         *

Life became a blur. Eddie was barely aware of what was happening around him. He did everything he had to; he took care of his mother which meant cooking dinner and basically do everything an adult had to do. He went to school and did his homework. He was on autopilot, doing everything only half aware.

What he was aware of though, were his emotions. He felt  _everything_ and all he wished for was to turn them off. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore.

Eddie knew he couldn’t show his emotions. He couldn’t drop everything and insolate himself in sadness because his mother needed him. It was hard to feel so much pain when he had to stay strong for her. It was hard to be so sad but still have to keep his head high. It was hard to feel his chest ache every second of every day and still have to act like he was fine.

Of course, his friends knew he wasn’t fine. But he had to make sure they didn’t think he was drowning in sadness.

It took months for Eddie to feel like it was bearable. He started to accept it, and he could finally make room for other thoughts and feelings other than sadness. He started to feel genuine happiness again, he could enjoy things again. He didn’t do things half-heartedly anymore, he was clear in his head and time really did heal.

Things got easier for his mother too. She started to come back from her total sadness, which was more than relieving for Eddie. He thought he could start spending more time with his friends again, but his mother had changed. She barely left him out of her sight, saying the world was dangerous. She said she couldn’t bear to lose her son too.

It hurt. His friends were the ones that brought him happiness.  _Richie_ brought him happiness. He was the one that made everything suck a little bit less. And he didn’t even get to go see them. The whole situation reminded him of that winter one and a half years ago when his mother got into his head to make him feel guilty for spending time with his friends.

Around that time Richie started to sneak into Eddie’s window. It had to happen at night though, so they spent almost every night together. It became one of those things that Eddie couldn’t live without. On nights when Richie had to stay at home Eddie didn’t get any sleep at all. He found calm in having Richie’s body pressed against his in his small twin bed. It was like his presence was everything he needed to stay whole.

The Losers always knew Richie and Eddie were inseparable but they started to notice how things changed between them. No one talked about it though, not even Richie and Eddie. It was their unspoken thing. They knew that they had each other and that was all that really mattered.

*         *         *

It was one of those rare days where Eddie had gotten to go out for a whole day to be with his friends. It was late August and they all enjoyed the last time of summer before school started again. As much as he wanted to spend the whole afternoon and evening with his friends he didn’t push his luck. He left pretty early to not get home too late.

Eddie walked through the door, his clothes dirty and his hair messy from letting it air dry after swimming in Neverland. The second he closed the front door he froze on the spot. It took a full minute to take in what he was looking at.

At first, he thought it was some kind of joke. A prank Richie had made his mother play on him because there was no way what he was looking at could be true.

Eddie was staring at about ten moving boxes and the living room was as good as empty.

A feeling of panic started to spread through his whole body. Through the ringing in his ears, he heard his mother in the kitchen. He dragged himself to the kitchen, finding his mother wrapping glasses and plates in paper.

“Ma?” Eddie’s voice was only a whisper.

Sonia looked up and their eyes met. Her face was stone cold, just like it had been the past few months. “Oh good, you’re home. I need help.”

Eddie just stared at her. “What are you doing?”

“We’re going to move back home. We’re leaving the day after tomorrow.” Her voice matched her facial expression.

Even though Eddie had seen it coming he felt like the ground under him was falling apart. She would make him move away from Derry. She would drag him away from his friends. From Richie.

“Ma, we are home,” Eddie tried. He could feel tears burn in his eyes and he had to shove his hands down his pockets because they were shaking.

Sonia scoffed. “No, we’re not. This never felt like home,” she spat. “And we don’t have a reason to stay here anymore.”

Eddie wanted to scream at her. He wanted to scream that this was home for him, that  _he_ had reasons to stay. But all that came out from his mouth was a broken sob.

“Oh, please Eddie,” she rolled her eyes when she saw the tears on his cheeks. “Stop being so childish about this. It’s just a move.”

It didn’t add up. He couldn’t move away, that would ruin his happily ever after that he had longed for, ever since he was a little kid. Because Eddie was sure his happy ending started with his life in Derry. He was sure the person that was in Eddie’s fairytale was  _here_. Not in another town.

 _Richie_ was here.

“It’s not—”

“ _Enough about this Edward!_ ” Sonia  _screamed_. Eddie jumped at her sudden change of voice. She had never screamed at him like this before. Even more tears streaked Eddie’s cheeks, but he bit his tongue to not make a sound. “Now,” she continued with her normal voice as if nothing had happened. “Help me with this.”

Eddie didn’t dare to do anything else than help her. He tried to think that she only did this because she was beyond sad because her happily ever after was ruined forever. She would never get her happy ending and Eddie tried to think that’s the reason she acted like this.

For hours he packed up the house in silence. He packed up things that had belonged to his father, he packed things that Eddie had gotten as presents from him. With every box he sealed he felt his already broken heart breaking _even_ more.

When Richie climbed through Eddie’s window that night he stopped in the middle of a movement while climbing through. His eyes scanned the room, looking at the boxes that were filled with clothes and books.

“Eds?” Richie whispered when he was inside and had closed the window. “What’s…What’s happening?”

Eddie who had been throwing clothes into a box was staring at Richie and he tried to hold it together as best as he could. He was so tired of crying, he was tired of being so utterly and completely unhappy, so he tried to hold his head high.

But Richie  _knew_. Richie saw right through him in a way only he could. He took a few steps closer to Eddie. “Talk to me.”

Eddie took a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on the sound of his heart beating. “We’re moving. We’re moving back to my old town,” Eddie whispered, still with his eyes closed.

Even though Richie probably had put two and two together after seeing the moving boxes he still let out a shaky breath as if he wouldn’t believe it until he heard it out loud.

Then Eddie opened his eyes and Richie was much closer than he’d thought. The look on Richie’s face made it hard to not give in and collapse into his arm.

“When?” Richie’s voice wasn’t more than a broken whisper.

Eddie took a deep breath. “The day after tomorrow.”

It looked like Richie fought as hard as Eddie did to not let the emotions take over completely. But Eddie could see how he anxiously fidgeted with his fingers, how tense his whole body was and  _his eyes._ They glistened with tears, and that sight alone made Eddie’s heartbreak.

It was Richie that gave in. He took the last few steps to close the space between them and took Eddie in his arms. Eddie let out a heartbreaking sound that was Richie’s name as he held onto him as hard as he could. They stood there for a long time, hugging each other as tight as humanly possible.

“You won’t forget me will you?” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s shirt.

A hollow laugh left Richie’s mouth. He loosened his arms around Eddie to look him in the eye. “Me? Forget? Never.”

And that was all he needed to hear. It meant more to him than anyone else could understand. It was something about the way he had said it, something about how one corner of his lips curved at the last word. It was something about how Richie’s hand found Eddie’s, how one single tear rolled down his cheek, and the way his piercing blue eyes looked into Eddie’s as if he could see his soul.

Then Richie let go of Eddie’s hand and dug in his pocket. Eddie knew exactly what he was looking for and it warmed his heart.

In Richie’s hand laid the little bumblebee pin. “Here, take it back,” he said and handed it to Eddie. “Your dad gave it to you.”

Eddie shook his head and closed Richie’s fingers around it, holding Richie’s hand with both of his. “No. It belongs to you,” he whispered. “And always will.”

*         *         *

They promised each other to keep in contact. Which they did. For a while.

They talked over the phone every day in the beginning, but as days turned to months they talked less and less. It wasn’t anything they did on purpose, it was just that things came in between them. Homework, new routines and most of all, time. When months turned to years they didn’t talk at all. Eddie knew it would happen one day, but it didn’t change how much it hurt. Eddie didn’t go one day without thinking about Richie and how he missed him with his whole heart.

Eddie had tried to get his mother to take him back to Derry, just for a day so he could visit his friends. He missed them all terribly much, but his heart was aching for one person especially. But she refused. Of course, she did. Eddie tried to think that it wasn’t because she wanted to be mean to him, but because Derry only brought her sadness. But it was hard to feel sympathy for that when Eddie’s  _happiness_ was in that town.

High School treated Eddie pretty good though. He was determined to get good grades so he could get into the college he wanted to. He found out that his father had saved him money for college, which he was incredibly thankful for.

Three years passed far too slow because every day was spent longing for graduation so he could get out of his mother’s house. But graduation day finally came, Eddie had been accepted to UCLA, and Eddie was almost happy. He would go to California, far, far away from his mother and he really couldn’t wait.

But there was something he had to do before he left. And that was to visit Derry.

It was something he had thought a lot about, debating back and forth if it was a good idea or not. If it hadn’t been over one and a half years since he last had spoken to Richie, he wouldn’t hesitate for a second. But it had been, and that’s why it took almost a month after graduation to find the courage to actually go.

Eddie booked a one-way ticket with absolutely no plan. He packed a small bag with the most necessary things, left his mother a note that said he’d be back in a few days, and then he left.

Being back in Derry was a rollercoaster of emotions. He felt everything from happiness, to excitement, to being absolutely terrified to meet Richie. And of course, there was that feeling of utter heartache and sorrow. He purposely walked another way to not walk past his old house. The years since his father’s death had healed him better than he’d thought possible, but it would be too much to see the house.

Eddie decided to go to Richie’s house first. He didn’t want to drag it out longer than necessary. As he got closer he became more and more nervous. As much as he’d longed for this moment he was  _terrified_. What if he didn’t want to see him? What if he wouldn’t like the surprise?

He tried to ignore his doubts and just do it.  _He_ wanted to see Richie and that was enough.

When Eddie finally stood in front of Richie’s house his heart was beating so hard Eddie was sure it would fly out of his chest. He walked up to the front door and knocked three times. Suddenly it hit him. What if Richie didn’t even live there anymore? What if he’d already gone off to whatever town he’d gone for college in?

Before he even got to react to those thoughts the door opened and Maggie Tozier stood right in front of him. When she recognized him her eyes widened and she smiled with her whole face. “Oh my god, Eddie!” she exclaimed as she took him in her arms, hugging him tightly.

Eddie laughed. “Hi Maggie,” he said and hugged her back.

“I’m so happy to see you,” she smiled as he let go of him. “Look at you! You look amazing,” she continued as she studied his face, still with a wide smile on her lips.

“Thank you,” he chuckled shyly. “It’s great to see you too.”

“Though I’m sure you didn’t come all the way back here to see me,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest with a smug smile.

Eddie’s heart made a jump. “Is he here?”

“He went out a while ago. I’m sure he’s at the quarry,” she spoke softly. “I’m surprised you didn’t go there first, you used to spend all your time there as kids.”

It shouldn’t surprise him, of course, he was there. “As much as I’d love to stay and talk to you, I really need to go see him,” Eddie said, already stepping away from the front door.

Maggie laughed. “Go. He’ll be so happy to see you again.”

And with that Eddie gave her a wave before he turned around. He more or less ran the familiar way to the quarry. To  _Neverland._ He knew the way by heart, he didn’t have to think twice before he took a turn. He wondered if he was being selfish for hoping that Richie would be alone. As much as he missed all of the Losers he really needed to see Richie. Just Richie.

Eddie took the last few steps through the trees and his eyes found him immediately. He was alone, sitting by the rocks with his back to Eddie. If his heart had been beating hard earlier, it was nothing to how it was beating now. His knees almost gave in under him, but he managed to take a few steps towards him.

That’s when Richie turned around, and Eddie almost forgot how to breathe. Richie had let his hair grow out and it was gathered in a bun on the top of his head. He looked ridiculously hot with his high cheekbones, tanned skin and with those eyes that stared directly into Eddie’s. Richie rose to his feet and  _holy shit_ he’d grown even taller. There was no trace of childishness in his looks, none at all. He looked like a man and Eddie’s head was spinning at the sight of him.

“Look at you, all grown up,” Eddie managed to say when he finally remembered how to speak.

Richie looked at him as if he’d just seen a miracle. “Eds,” he breathed.

The way Richie looked at him, the way Richie’s feet led to him as if there was some kind of force dragging them together, the way Richie smiled at him. It was all Eddie needed and he knew that Richie was still walking around with his first kiss. Well,  _almost_ kiss.

“Hi,” Eddie whispered when Richie had walked up to him.

Richie raised a hand and placed it on Eddie’s cheek as if he had to feel him to actually believe he was there. “Holy shit. You’re here.”

“I’m here.” Eddie leaned against Richie’s hand, feeling how the warmth of it spread through his whole body.

Then a laugh bubbled up Richie’s throat and he took Eddie in his arms. “I’ve missed you so much, I can’t believe you’re here!”

Eddie joined in and laughed with Richie. They didn’t hide their happiness to finally be together again. “I’ve missed you too,” he chuckled.

“What are you doing here?” Richie asked as he broke away from the hug but he kept him close.

“I just really needed to see you again,” Eddie confessed, feeling how his cheeks got warmer and warmer.

Richie gave him one of those Richie-smiles, then he let go of Eddie’s arm with one of his hands to dig in his pocket to take out the bumblebee pin. Eddie knew it. He knew he still had it, that he still carried it wherever he went. Just like Eddie did with his acorn.

“I still—”

But Eddie never got to hear what Richie was about to say because he rose to his tiptoes and crashed his lips against Richie’s. It took a second for Richie to understand what just had happened, but when he did he cupped Eddie’s cheek with one hand and wrapped the other arm around his waist to pull him closer.

The kiss was everything Eddie always had wanted. Their lips moved together as if they were made for each other. They kissed like it was the only purpose their lips were made for. It was eager but not sloppy, it was perfect. Eddie put his hand on Richie’s neck, desperately pressing him closer even though they were as close as they could be. He couldn’t get enough. Kissing Richie was like finally being able to breathe after years of drowning under water. It was as if they kissed to get back all those years they had spent apart, to express their feelings they’d held hidden away.

They kissed until they were forced to stop to catch their breaths. Eddie pulled away slightly, leaning his forehead against Richie’s. They stood there for a while, breathing the same air with their arms wrapped around each other.

“That was…” Eddie began, but he couldn’t find any words to describe it.

“Better than an acorn?” Richie grinned.

“As much as I loved the acorn, I have to say yes,” Eddie laughed and placed another kiss on Richie’s lips.

They spent the rest of the afternoon together. They had so much to catch up on they barely stopped talking at all. They spent hours telling each other what they had missed. More than once they interrupted each other with kisses. It was like they couldn’t stop once they’d started.

The rest of the Losers joined them by the evening. They were just as happy as Richie to see Eddie, and Eddie was thrilled to see them. Richie and Eddie didn’t even try to hide their feelings for each other, not that the others were surprised. They were happy for them, happy that they finally had found each other again.

Eddie didn’t know it was possible to feel so much happiness at once. He was sitting between Richie’s legs on the ground, his back pressed against Richie’s chest with all of his best friends around him. It was when they started to talk about the future and where they’d all go to college Eddie actually thought he’d explode of happiness.

It turned out Richie had applied and gotten accepted to UCLA too. It really was too good to be true, but Eddie decided that they were worth it. The universe owed it to them. They deserved to be happy.

Richie’s reaction when Eddie said he’d be moving to California and going to UCLA was to pick Eddie up from the ground, spin him around and place kisses all over Eddie’s face while cooing that he was going there too. They were inseparable now. It was the two of them against the world.

All children grew up. Even Richie Tozier, the boy with countless joys. Richie and Eddie continued living their fairytale, the fairytale they both deserved to live in. They were happy and they fell more and more in love each day.

Needlessly to say, they lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr: eds-kas](https://eds-kas.tumblr.com)


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